When this year started I had a big question mark in front of me… to move forward or to find a new path… Have I found some answers…? Yes and no… I guess the biggest perception for this year was that there aren’t any final and definite answers… Life is a process… you can go backwards and forwards… it isn’t necessary a joy but it gives you options… You don’t have to close all past doors to open some new ones.
Spring 2017 came with some sun and a little bit of hope… but by autumn it was already pouring and I was ready to give in… I was waiting for a fabric delivery with the confidence that it would be the last… It was sad but on the other hand it was also a relief… I had given myself the permission to stop fighting and truly explore new alternatives. I had some ideas but after so many obstacles it was difficult to determine what was too risky and what could actually work. And of course there was the familiar issue with finances… All past failures had made some limitations… But I was at least emotionally ready to move forward with something new.
Suddenly the fabric business showed some light again and actually it was kind of difficult to accept. I had gone through a long period of mourning and finally found some peace with my decision. It was difficult to take a step back but I needed to turn the last stone. It was time for a little bit of success, self confidence and hope for the future…
However, when the end of the year approaches it is time for some conclusions… I have experienced moments of joy and I am truly grateful for that… but those small moments of glory aren’t enough to make a solid base for the future. I think 2018 needs to be a year for changes… Life evolves and I need to evolve with it… I want to develop myself, take on new challenges and create something I can truly be happy with and proud of. I don’t have to give up on the past and present but I need something new for the future… Hopefully some of my ideas will develop into reality and I get new determination to pursue my dreams as a designer…
Thanks for staying with me this year. All the best for 2018!
SHALMIAK / Sari Ahokainen