If someone had told me a few years back that I would be exhibiting at a fair I would have laughed. Not me… I am not a “fair” person ;), not at all! I am not the most social type. I do like people but it is not easy for me to be comfortable in social situations. Why? I seriously don’t know. When I was a child I loved school plays. I loved to act and perform. I loved to be in the spotlight because in general I was quite invisible… I was the shy and quiet girl – always in the background. But already then I had mixed feelings about being on stage – I loved it but I also felt very nervous. And slowly the insecure side of me got the best of me and the love for performance turned into hate.
When I started my business I decided to do everything I can with online marketing but would never attend any fairs. I knew it would decrease my chances of expanding my brand but I didn’t want to sacrifice my own well-being. I had pushed and forced myself for so long – trying to do what I thought I had to do to get respect from others. Finally it was time to do what felt right for me.
But life changes you… I have floundered through so many obstacles… I have pushed and fought… trying to find my own way… This autumn I finally decided to accept the fact that things weren’t moving in the direction I had hoped… it was time to move forward and leave the fabric business behind me. This decision was difficult but on the other hand it gave me freedom to stop forcing things. But just when I had reached this decision something happened… suddenly the interest in my brand increased. I knew it could only be a little upswing leading to another crash but something in me told me it was time to turn the last stone. I wanted to feel confident that even if things crashed again I had at least tried everything.
For the past two weeks I have been planning and preparing for this craft fair in Helsinki – Helsingin Kädentaitomessut – and suddenly I have found a piece of my inner child :). As a kid I loved to plan and arrange all kinds of events – they were small and mainly just for my own family but I loved it! And preparing for this fair has been so much fun! Even though I am scared as hell I am also so excited! I want to be that little girl again who loved to be in the spotlight… or at least can handle of piece of it ;).
Maybe this is an age thing… I am turning forty in a couple of weeks… if I can’t get rid of old ghosts and try something new now I will never get the courage to do this. I know this weekend will be rough – no matter what the result will be – but I want to experience this. What if this “fair” person is within me but I just haven’t given it a chance?! Who knows?!
I hope to see you at the fair! 🙂
Sari / SHALMIAK